My smoking urges have been increasing. It's quite possibly from reducing my chantix. It's also possible that I just haven't "let go" of the smoking yet.
It has to be all in my head now because after 4 weeks of no smoking there is no nicotine left in my system. My body shouldn't still be craving it. So I'm thinking that the second choice is more likely but I'm not really understanding why. I shouldn't have any problem letting that part of my life go.
I quit smoking once before for about 3 months and I think the hardest thing about quiting then was not the actual quit, it was trying to imagine my life as a non-smoker. I'm a shy kind of person (unless I know you- then all bets are off) and having a cigarette, especially in a social situation, was my "shield", If I got uncomfortable it was something for me to focus on, it was something to help take the stress out of the situation ,and I remember being terrified because- what would I do at parties, bars, get togethers, etc. without my trusty "friend"? I have smoked since I was 13. I had never had to deal with adult interaction without the help of a cigarette. I was scared I wouldn't know how.
Learning to be a non-smoker was a little rough on me but I made it through. I wish I hadn't gone back to smoking but at least now I know. Looking back I can remember. I know it feels good. I know I liked being able to smell better, having my clothes and hair smell better, tasting what food is really supposed to taste like.
So I just can't understand why my brain continues to want the cigarettes when I know how happy I will be as a non-smoker once I accept it.
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3 comments:
I understand completely. Tomorrow will be two week smoke free with Chantix. My enthusiasm for quitting is waning and I am remembering how cigarettes were my most dependable, closest companion for twenty years. Thick and thin, joy and sorrow. I don't regret my quit and I have no intention of starting up again. It's just hard to let go.
Wow, Hope, yes, I understand that, too. I started when I was 12 years old, did quit once for just over a year, other times a few months, and it was such a part of my life. Most wouldn't consider me shy because I'm pretty boisterous, but really, I am shy until I feel comfortable. Cigarettes often sped that up - I could chat up lots of folk in a smoking area. As glad as I am that I have quit and that I'm feeling more and more each day in my head like the non-smoker my body has already become, I also know that there will be times and situations when I'll miss smoking - even if it does *not* mean that I'll smoke. To pretend otherwise would be for me to be dishonest with myself about what I really feel, and that's not a good thing. As long as I just don't smoke, even when I miss it, even when I'd love to, and as long as every day I just wake up and make it until bedtime without smoking no matter what other things or feelings happen in between, I'll be fine.
And so will you.
I totally hear you! I was all excited to quit and now I'm just like "meh".
Oh yes I'm sure there will be plenty of situations where i will wish like hell I was still smoking (wait,isn't that every day still ;) but I'm sure we will get through them without lighting up.
Maybe I'll just become a n alchy and keep my hand busy with a drink. Kidding!
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