Thank you all for being here today.
Today we are gathered to pay our last respects to Hope's best friend of 17 years- nicotine. We'll let her start with the eulogy and anyone else that would like to say goodbye, feel free to do so in the comment area.
"You were my longest running friendship. You were there for me always. Through every happy moment and especially the bad ones. I could always count on you, and you motivated me like nothing else ever has or, I believe, ever will. I truly loved you. Who else would I go to the store for in the pouring rain, or worse, in a blizzard? Who else would I get out of bed to spend time with when I was sick? After my miscarriage you were the only one I would see. Anytime I felt depressed or cried I turned to you first.
And through it all I knew you would never let me down.
But then, somehow, you did. Somehow having you as my best friend turned me into a social pariah. Turns out you were a bad influence and if I wanted to hang out with you I had to go outside. Everywhere. No one wanted you in their house, or car, or store, or restaurant and definitely not in their workplace. But stubbornly I stuck with you.
Then one day as I went on the porch to spend some time with you, Xander looked right at me and said "momma, you're a drugger. Cigarettes are drugs and you're gonna die because drugs kill you". And he was right, and so I had to make a choice. A choice that was way harder than it should have been because really there's no question that I loved you but I love my son more than you. Sorry that's just how it is.
Besides everybody know drugs are bad mmmmkay. Even my 4 year old knows drugs are bad. Mmmmkay?
Poor poor nicotine. It's true what they say, drugs will kill ya in the end. So, sorry about that whole chantix thing but I had to get rid of ya somehow.
I miss you, and I think about you almost everyday still, but you are dead and gone, and now I am moving on.
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3 comments:
I too had such a relationship for twenty years. It is over now and I can honestly say I am glad. Never though I would say that.
Congratulations and good luck - you'll be just fine.
Yep, I think I'm done, too.
I'm so proud of you, Hope! I'm on day 13 of Chantix, and reading your blog gives me comfort. I had to respond to this one post, though, b/c I thought I was the only person in the whole wide world to write such a letter - even starting with "you were my best friend" down to the "you were not looking out for my best interests"... It's nice to see someone else with the same exact frame of mind. I, too, started with I was 13. I'm now 33. That's 20 years - it's crazy to say that it has been that many years of addiction, when I'm still fairly young. But, it's time to quit for good, and you give me hope, Hope. Take care and best of luck!
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