Days 15-17 of Chantix/ 7-9 no smoking

I knew I wouldn't make it through this quit without the cravings coming at some point. Not thoughts, I've already said I think about cigarettes a lot, I'm talking about real cravings. If you've ever been pregnant or around a pregnant woman you know what I'm talking about.

You know the ones where you she answers the phone and talks to your her husband like this?: What do you mean Chik-fil-a is not open?! It has to be open. I want chik-fil-a! NO, GODDAMN KFC SHITTY ASS CHICKEN IS NOT OKAY. I WANT CHIK-FIL-A. (start sobbing) if you loved me you would find it for me. I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT KFC. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU BRING ME HOME KFC I'M GONNA SHOVE IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR FUCKEN ASS! FORGET IT. I SAID JUST FORGET IT- I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY ANYMORE. ASSHOLE.

I had a craving that started Thursday and would not go away. I fought it hard until Saturday night.
I'm ashamed to say I gave in.
I'm even more ashamed to say I stole a cigarette from my friend (I knew she wouldn't have given me one if I asked), waited till no one was at my house and then went in the bathroom,clicked on the fan, opened the window, and proceeded to stand in my tub and smoke while trying to get all of the smoke out of the window.

This is what my addiction to nicotine has brought me to? Stealing from friends and then hiding out like a teenager with her first joint?

The bad part is that, after all that? I only took 5 drags off the cigarette before flushing it. It was disgusting. probably the worst thing I have ever tasted. It took me over 1/2 an hour to get the taste of an ashtray out of my mouth. Even after I had brushed and used listerine.

Days 11-13 of Chantix/ 4-6 of no smoking

Still fighting the "blahs" but they seem to be letting up. Either it's easier to fight because I refuse to be depressed or my body is getting used to the meds, thereby relieving that side effect. Not really sure and don't really care, just glad it's gotten easier.

On another note I'm still having cool vivid dreams but I am now also waking up several times during the night. I've decided to start taking my second pill around 3 or 4:00 in the afternoon. Hopefully that will help me sleep better.

I still think about cigarettes all the time.

Chantix days 9 & 10/ no smoking day 2 & 3

So, days 9 & 10 fell on a Saturday and Sunday.

I spent the entire weekend in the recliner in front of the TV. No lie, I think the only times I got up were to pee, find something to stuff in my mouth, and go back to bed. It took me a few days to figure it out but the "blahs" had started. I know feeling blah is not listed as a side effect but depression is. And from what I've heard it's fairly common. So I had that feeling like when the answer to every question is "ehhh" and you just don't feel like doing anything. I guess technically that is mild depression but I don't like to call it that because that just makes me more depressed. I know- my mind works in some weird illogical circle sometimes.

Anyway once I realized what it was I was at first surprised because I am on paxil (for something else but it's supposed to take care of depression too) but once I recognised it I was able to push myself into dealing with it.

It was either that or spend the rest of my life in that recliner.
But don't thnk I didn't consider it. heh.

Day 8

The big quit day.

When I woke up I had 5 cigarettes left in the pack that I had tried to finish off the night before. I got up, got ready for work, and then faced the big challenge as I walked out the door- The time for my usuall morning cigarette. I lit one while telling myself "this will be it! Really, I just need to get my morning hit so I can let them go." I got 4 puffs off of it before I put it out. It tasted really nasty and I was a little ashamed of myself because I had told myself the night before that that would be it. I crushed it out and broke up the other 4 left in the pack.

All I can say about the rest of the day is that I made it through.

It was rough, but nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I'm not gonna lie, I thought about cigarettes about once every 2 minutes. But they were just thoughts, not real "OMG if I don't smoke now I will kill someone" cravings.

Also -today I began the 1mg pill 2x daily- Slight nausea again but when taken with milk it's very slight.

Days 1-7

I actually started this blog on day 12 so I will be compressing some of the days together while I catch this story up. I was originally going to keep track of this in a journal but I've never been one to write in a journal more than once or twice before I get bored. Blogging on the other hand is something I like to do, plus if I put here instead of a journal maybe someone will come across it, maybe they are looking into chantix or already on chantix and have some questions I might be able to answer.
On with the story.

I took the .5mg of chantix and by the second day my cigarettes were off tasting but not enough to lower my amount of smoking.

days 3,4,& 5 I was overwhelmingly tired. I also started with the vivid dreams right around now. Vivid but not scary as I've known other chantix user's to be. It is actually kind of nice since I don't usually remember my dreams. These are so vivid it's kind of like going to the movie theater every night.
On day 4 I started the .5mg twice a day. I was getting a little nausea after the second pill so I started taking it with milk. Bingo- no more nausea.
Day 5 my sleepiness let up and I noticed I was smoking less than normal.
Day 6 I smoked less and was starting to believe this medicine might really help me.

Day 7: the day before the big quit date. I have to admit I was way nervous. I smoked a LOT on day 7. Like I was trying to stock up or something.

On day 7, Thursday August 17th at 11:30pm, I put out my last cigarette.