Days 15-17 of Chantix/ 7-9 no smoking

I knew I wouldn't make it through this quit without the cravings coming at some point. Not thoughts, I've already said I think about cigarettes a lot, I'm talking about real cravings. If you've ever been pregnant or around a pregnant woman you know what I'm talking about.

You know the ones where you she answers the phone and talks to your her husband like this?: What do you mean Chik-fil-a is not open?! It has to be open. I want chik-fil-a! NO, GODDAMN KFC SHITTY ASS CHICKEN IS NOT OKAY. I WANT CHIK-FIL-A. (start sobbing) if you loved me you would find it for me. I ALREADY TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT KFC. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU BRING ME HOME KFC I'M GONNA SHOVE IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR FUCKEN ASS! FORGET IT. I SAID JUST FORGET IT- I'M NOT EVEN HUNGRY ANYMORE. ASSHOLE.

I had a craving that started Thursday and would not go away. I fought it hard until Saturday night.
I'm ashamed to say I gave in.
I'm even more ashamed to say I stole a cigarette from my friend (I knew she wouldn't have given me one if I asked), waited till no one was at my house and then went in the bathroom,clicked on the fan, opened the window, and proceeded to stand in my tub and smoke while trying to get all of the smoke out of the window.

This is what my addiction to nicotine has brought me to? Stealing from friends and then hiding out like a teenager with her first joint?

The bad part is that, after all that? I only took 5 drags off the cigarette before flushing it. It was disgusting. probably the worst thing I have ever tasted. It took me over 1/2 an hour to get the taste of an ashtray out of my mouth. Even after I had brushed and used listerine.