Almost 20 weeks of no smoking

Wow. Look at all the cobwebs in this place. I haven't been here in quite a while. Did you miss me? Did you wonder if I had gone back to smoking?

Well I'm happy to say I haven't. I just had to quit writing, and talking, and thinking about not smoking so much because all that thought spent on non smoking led to too much thinking about going back to smoking. Obsessing over it was beginning to get counter productive.

I kinda had to pull a see no smoking, hear no smoking, speak no smoking thing.

I still think about smoking everyday. I still think I want cigarette everyday but once I get around someone who is smoking I realize I don't really want one, but for whatever reason, after almost 20 weeks, my brain still thinks I do. I'm hoping that will go away soon.

Good luck to all of you quitters!

I'll be checking in more often again, I promise :)

Holy Perfume Batman

I stink today. At least I think I do. No one else has said anything but........

I don't usually wear perfume. I don't know why, It's just not something I do. Today for some reason I did. I have 2 bottles of this perfume I like...liked. past tense. I don't know if it has always smelled this bad/strong and I just couldn't smell it (I have gotten compliments on it tho) OR if my skin itself smells different now and this perfume is just no longer working for me.

Either way, it's time to find a new scent.
This one's giving me a headache.


Oh GAWD. Have I been "that girl" and didn't know it? The one that is decribed by everyone as "You know that girl.......... the one with all the perfume?"
*shudder*

36-41: The Funeral

Thank you all for being here today.

Today we are gathered to pay our last respects to Hope's best friend of 17 years- nicotine. We'll let her start with the eulogy and anyone else that would like to say goodbye, feel free to do so in the comment area.

"You were my longest running friendship. You were there for me always. Through every happy moment and especially the bad ones. I could always count on you, and you motivated me like nothing else ever has or, I believe, ever will. I truly loved you. Who else would I go to the store for in the pouring rain, or worse, in a blizzard? Who else would I get out of bed to spend time with when I was sick? After my miscarriage you were the only one I would see. Anytime I felt depressed or cried I turned to you first.

And through it all I knew you would never let me down.

But then, somehow, you did. Somehow having you as my best friend turned me into a social pariah. Turns out you were a bad influence and if I wanted to hang out with you I had to go outside. Everywhere. No one wanted you in their house, or car, or store, or restaurant and definitely not in their workplace. But stubbornly I stuck with you.

Then one day as I went on the porch to spend some time with you, Xander looked right at me and said "momma, you're a drugger. Cigarettes are drugs and you're gonna die because drugs kill you". And he was right, and so I had to make a choice. A choice that was way harder than it should have been because really there's no question that I loved you but I love my son more than you. Sorry that's just how it is.

Besides everybody know drugs are bad mmmmkay. Even my 4 year old knows drugs are bad. Mmmmkay?

Poor poor nicotine. It's true what they say, drugs will kill ya in the end. So, sorry about that whole chantix thing but I had to get rid of ya somehow.

I miss you, and I think about you almost everyday still, but you are dead and gone, and now I am moving on.

No smoking days 34 & 35

Alternatively titled: Dear God, Can I please get some sleep?

Today is day 6 off of the chantix.
I'm still waking up continuously throughout the night but besides that problem I'm not experiencing any of the horrible side effects that some people have had coming off of the medicine with out weaning or tapering down.

Day 33. still not smoking

Well, I decided to try it on my own but I will be keeping a pack of chantix on hand in case I feel the need to go back on it. I'd rather be back on it than back smoking.

I have the almost full pack that I'm keeping for emergencies, and 3 other full packs. I think I am going to give them to my MIL to use since she has been toying with the idea of trying chantix. It's already paid for, she might as well get some use out of it.

On another note, I am having some insomnia which is kind of funny since that is a side effect of chantix that I never really had. As a matter of fact if I took my pill early enough I usually got the best sleep of my life. The last 2 nights I have been awake at least once for every hour of the night. I hope this goes away quickly.

No smoking days 30, 31, & 32

Let me start off by saying- It's been a month. I can hardly believe it but I quit smoking over a month ago. Yay me.

Friday my son spent the night at my in-law's house so Saturday morning I didn't roll out of bed until 11:00. Since I usually take 1/2 a pill at 8am and the other 1/2 around 3 or 4, I figured I would just wait and take a whole one around 2ish. Well I ended up forgetting so no pill on Saturday.

On Sunday we spent most of the day helping a friend move. Again I forgot to take my pill.

2 days with no chantix, and no additional cravings or anything. As a matter of fact I feel pretty good. i haven't taken this morning's dose yet and I'm debating with myself if I want to take it or just be done with the medicine. I haven't decided yet so I'll let ya know tomorrow .

oooh, a cliff hanger. Will she or won't she.

Day 29 of no smoking

I am so tired today. I don't know why but I had a thought earlier and i hope I am wrong.

I felt this drag ass tired everyday on the chantix until the dose increased to 2mg a day. I don't know why a lower dose would make me more tired than a higher one, and really that whole concept just doesn't make any sense to me, so what's more likely is that I'm just plain old tired today. Just because. It happens every now and then, ya know?

I guess all I can do is wait for the next couple of days to see how it plays out.